We at SF Citadel understand that someone new coming into SF Citadel, A BDSM Dungeon, have a certain amount of trepidation and nervousness. We want to do our best to quell that, so you can feel free to explore this new experience and space without any worry about what you’re talking into and to assure you that we're just normal people, jobs, family, the same worries, we’re simply just sex nerds.
Dungeons, as portrayed in pop culture, are dark scary places where protocol is extremely important and everyone is very serious. In reality you'll likely be grabbing an oreo in the kitchen as you first chat to someone about Game of Thrones. This is first and foremost a space for friends and community. A space where people of like minds can come and enjoy each others company in any way they see fit.
In that vein we produced this FAQ so you feel more comfortable attending.
The first thing to understand is that as long as you respect consent, that is asking for permission to touch anyone or anyone's possessions (Including Toys, clothes, etc), You won’t run into any issues. The entire space and community is based on the idea of Consent. This is a bit of a more intensive form of consent from normal day to day, where normally it might be okay to hug someone without asking, at SF Citadel, in a space people might feel more vulnerable, we would ask if it's okay to hug.
Q. What should I wear?
A. Really whatever makes you feel comfortable, Sometimes we say, whatever makes you feel sexy! Typically people wear everything from blue jeans and tshirts to leather to fursuits. No one is going to be upset or speak to you about any dress code. For people who are new, we always recommend our Newbie party (1st Saturday of the month, check the calendar at citadel.org), it's a safe fun environment with other people who are new to the space (Usually more than 100 people attend each party).
Q. Do I have to participate?
A. Absolutely not! This isn't fight club after all. You're more than welcome to just watch, or even not watch, we do have delicious snacks after all! What do you is up to you, consent is the key for the entire space.
Q. How do I meet people?
A. There's nothing special about meeting people at SF Citadel, We recommend starting with “Hi” or even “Hello!”. Some great tips include, complimenting someone on their outfit or a piece they’re wearing, asking them about their experiences, or what brought them here. Treat people with respect and not as an object for a specific fetish and you’ll make a lot of friends and have a great time!
Q. Is there Alcohol?
A. No. We don’t sell alcohol or allow anyone who is intoxicated into the space. We are a clean and sober environment. Being so concerned with consent means understanding that intoxicated people cannot give consent.
Q. Can I have sex there?
A. Absolutely!! We always tell people that sex is absolutely allowed and welcome (We provide condoms and lube) but its typically not the focus, SF Citadel is a Kink club, not a sex club. Sex happens, but its not the majority of things that happen.
Q. Is this a strip club/swingers club?
A. No, We do not have any dancers on staff and don’t offer typical strip club services.
Q. Do you have private rooms?
A. No, We expect that people coming to SF Citadel understand that there is a certain amount of expected exhibitionism and voyeurism, that is being watched and watching respectively. The dungeon is divided into 3 real spaces, the locker area/front desk, which is exactly what you’d expect. The kitchen, with food and seating for chatting, and the dungeon proper, which the largest space, very open and full of fun equipment. Check out the pictures for more information.
Q. Do you have toys to borrow?
A. Sadly no, this is a common request but due to cleanliness concerns we don’t have any toys that SF Citadel loans. Our advice is always that everyone comes equipped with hands/belts/etc that can be used in kink in place of toys.
Q. Where do I buy tickets?
A. Typically tickets are sold at the door at $25 a piece ($26 with card). Some specific events do sell tickets online. For information on specific parties check the calendar at SFCitadel.org
Q. How do I volunteer?
A. All volunteering is done through our Fetlife Group, Citadel Volunteers (https://fetlife.com/groups/1914). Each party has a thread, and in the thread you can comment with the shift and time you’d like (I.E. 7-8 Setup!) Please remember that Cashier and DM (Dungeon Monitor) are trained positions.
Q. How do I become a Cashier or DM (Dungeon Monitor)?
A. We offer trainings for Cashier every other month on the 1st Saturday of the month from 1:00pm-3:30pm. DM Classes typically are twice a year, check the Calendar at SFCitadel.org for more information.
Q. Is this a real business?
A. Yes, SF Citadel is a fully licensed business with the City of San Francisco as well as the state of California and both are aware of exactly what the space is. We have also been inspected, numerous times, by the fire department and the building inspectors office and have permits from both to operate. We pride ourselves on being a completely ‘above ground’ kink business.
Q. I’m worried about confidentiality. How can I be sure that my identity will stay secret?
A. SF Citadel does ask for some of your information when you sign into the space (And sign our release of liability), Specifically we ask for Legal name, A signature, and either a phone number or email address. These are not entered into any computer system anywhere and are stored in a secure location to make sure that your information is secure. Their only use is for legal protection for SF Citadel.
While you are inside the space we do not allow any pictures or videos to be taken, and will remove anyone who brings their phone out from the space. Our commitment to anonymity is something we take very seriously.